Motherhood, Grieving, and the Feeling of Loss: Honoring Your Emotional Journey

When you see the words “motherhood” and “loss” together, you might automatically think of mothers who have experienced pregnancy, infant, or child loss. Losing a child at any age is an immense and heartbreaking loss—but it is not the only time a mother may experience feelings of grief.

Sometimes, these feelings can begin during pregnancy. Sometimes they don’t surface until after baby is born. And for some moms, they may never show up at all. Feelings of loss or grief during this time are a natural, complicated part of the process.

Here are a few unexpected ways you may experience feelings of loss as you step into motherhood:

Mourning the End of Pregnancy

Believe it or not, you might miss being pregnant.

I remember lying in bed about two weeks after our first was born, holding my empty belly and sobbing into my husband’s chest because I missed feeling my son inside me—being a part of me.

Taking time to honor your body and all it has done for you during pregnancy and birth is so important. An herbal bath or a sealing ceremony can be a beautiful way to bring closure and gratitude for your pregnancy journey.

Mourning the Birth You Wanted

So much energy is poured into preparing for birth: making a birth plan, dreaming about that magical moment.

When things don’t go according to plan, it can leave a deep ache.

My second birth was a scheduled c-section because both of my twins were breech. I knew a month beforehand that I wouldn’t birth them the way I had envisioned. I thought I had made peace with it—but after they were born, I found myself carrying a sorrow I couldn’t shake.

When I tried to talk about it, I often heard, “It doesn’t matter, you’re all healthy.” But the truth is, it does matter. Your birth experience matters.

If things didn’t unfold the way you hoped, you deserve support, space, and time to process that. Journaling, telling your birth story to someone you trust, or simply giving yourself permission to grieve can be incredibly healing.

Mourning the Loss of What Was

Welcoming a baby into your life always brings change—and that change often requires letting go of what once was.

Maybe you decided to leave a job you loved. Maybe your relationship with your partner feels different. Maybe you mourn the spontaneity and freedom you had before baby came.

Without a doubt, you will find a new rhythm—but getting there takes time.

In the meantime, be honest with yourself and your loved ones. Acknowledge your feelings. Talk about them. Know that it’s normal to grieve even when you’re deeply grateful.

Loss of Self

During pregnancy and postpartum, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost control of your own body—thanks to shifting hormones, changing energy levels, and a body that doesn’t quite feel like “yours” anymore.

Finding clothes that fit both your style and your new shape can feel impossible. If you’re breastfeeding, even getting dressed might feel like a puzzle.

I remember looking in the mirror after my first was born and barely recognizing myself. I didn’t feel attractive. Nothing fit right. I was exhausted, lonely, and overwhelmed. I poured everything into caring for my son—and forgot to care for myself.

Here’s the truth: not making yourself a priority is a disservice to you and to your family.

It’s okay to nurture yourself—especially while you’re nurturing a tiny new human.

In nurturing your new baby, do not forget to nurture the newly born mother within you.

Completing the Cycle

It’s completely possible to be deeply in love with your baby and still experience grief.

Mourning isn’t just about moving forward—it’s about completing emotional cycles so that your nervous system can down-regulate and you can fully settle into your new season.

Suppressing or ignoring these feelings doesn’t make them disappear; it often traps them inside us. Feeling them, honoring them, and moving through them creates the space we need for healing, integration, and joy.

Motherhood often asks us to say goodbye to old versions of ourselves as we grow into something new. It’s not a failure—it’s a becoming.

Give yourself permission to move through this sacred transition with grace, tenderness, and love.

From my heart to yours,

Sumer